All day I was reading Matthew 15:21-28 about the faith of the Canaanite woman. Here is a mother like me. She loves her daughter. She takes seriously her job of helping, protecting and mothering this child. It doesn't say how old the daughter is and it doesn't matter. That is what a mom does until there is no more breath in her.
Her daughter is ill (demon possessed). My daughter is ill (possessed by some thing no one is sure what to do about. The options are limited. Doctors knowledge is limited. So just like the canaanite woman, I am going to the Great Physician. Please join me.
She cries, it says, for mercy - "have mercy on me". I cry for the same, have mercy on me as I fall on my face before You Lord. Have mercy, have mercy! It is my duty to relentlessly petition God for Brooke. I feel exhausted yet until there is no more breath in me, I will cry out "have mercy".
This story of the canaanite woman gives me hope. Jesus' mission was to bring the good news to the Jews. Yet He took the time to go to a Gentile city to meet this Gentile woman. It shows His love, His compassion. She is an intercessor - like me. Her daughters' needs become her needs - like me. She is dedicated, filled with perseverance. I pray for that dedication, for her perseverance. Run the race to the end. Do not give up - persevere, persevere.
She is humble (something I am working on). She knows her place, she accepts her low status before the King of Kings but she continues to ask, to cry out to beg "have mercy, heal my child".
I am weeping as I write this. I want a healing for Brooke and I want it now! Is it to much to ask? Will it be granted? Have mercy and heal my child. Have mercy and take her pain away. Have mercy and give her hope. Restore her body, bring forth a miracle and do it now, Lord Jesus!
You are my God, my Savior. You are the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace the Great I Am. We worship You! We cling to You for You are God! There is no one like You!
Here is the update on Brooke: Tomorrow (thursday) evening at 8:00 p.m. Dr. Adachi will do a traecheotomy on Brooke. She explained it will be complexed. She is anticipating much swelling in the area and it will take a long while for her to be able to swallow or talk. Remember everyone, she said Brooke is a complex case. They will also have to put in a feeding tube through her nose.
Brooke is emotionally devastated. I could see the depression and fear! She wrote this morning "why didn't you let me die". This is not Brooke.
My heart is aching right now. I try to hold back the tears. Tex and I try to be very positive. This is going to be a long journey. There will be much changes. There will be much physical pain involved for Brooke. She will once again have to adjust her hopes and dreams.
I will pray until there is no more breath in me. I will be here for her until there is no more breath in me. I will not stop petitioning and asking God for mercy until there is no more breath in me. I will be her mother until there is no more breath in me.
I love You Lord. You are my strength, my rock, my fortress & deliverer. I take refuge in you. I call upon You who is worthy to be praised.
Pray my fellow friends. Pray for a healing. Pray that God would intervene in a miraculous way. Pray for His peace over Brooke and that He would speak clearly to her. Pray until there is no more breath in you.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
As for God His way is perfect....
Who can fathom the ways of God? As this journey progresses we find ourselves weak and strong (does that make sense?), overwhelmed but not giving up.
Brooke is now in Queens Hospital. She was admitted on Wednesday, May 18th. Our cardiologist at Pali Momi asked us to take her to see Dr. Fiack, a pulmonologist here at Queens. Here we were just getting used to Pali Momi and all the new and wonderful physicians there and now we're in a new hospital getting used to all the rules, times, staff and logistics. I've been telling everyone Queens should give out portable GPS' to everyone to find their way around this hospital. It's like a huge maze. The staff is wonderful though. They can tell when we look like we're lost and are ready to help. They tell us they even still get lost.
So we settled in to Queens (the 6th hospital on Oahu we've become familiar with on our journey with Brooke). Tests were getting done; one doctor after another, respiratory techs, etc. all coming and going from her room. Busy, busy, busy and then saturday morning at 8:30 everything changed. For some unknown reason she had a seizure, heart stopped, etc.
If you've ever watched the Discovery Health Channel and seen what happens when someone's heart stops, it's all really like that. I was asked if I wanted to leave the room but I wanted to stay and pray. I can honestly say it made me wonder if we do too much. There were moments I wanted to scream "STOP"- "ENOUGH" but my lips were moving "have mercy, thy will be done". It was brutal, it was rough. Is this Your perfect plan Lord?
After the ventilator was put in, Brooke was thrust into her new reality. It's not pleasant. There are new words in our vocabulary, ventilatory, tracheotomy, CO2, MRI, blood gases - the list goes on
We are now 5 days into God's plan. As Psalm 18 reverberates through my mind "As for God His Way is Perfect" I must admit I do ask, "how much more?" This is very painful to watch, it is extremely painful to discuss what may or may not happen. You feel helpless, you cry and just when you think you have no more tears, more tears come. And you look around and you see life goes on - graduations and weddings happening, meetings, parties, summer school and summer vacations and I wonder - what will 2011 be like for us.
And altho meaning well, someone will say "it's a new path for you" - well guess what I don't like it and I wouldn't choose it!!
So I leave you with this ..... "As for God His way is perfect" and I've come to this conclusion about this scripture. His perfect way means to persevere, taking one step at a time holding on to His hand. His way is perfect means, when it comes crushing down around me and my heart is breaking, I keep my eyes on Him. His way is perfect means I fill myself up with His Word and His promises. And although I thought I would never say this, I find it hard to concentrate on His Word these days, but I know I must read it, hold it and look at it.
With tears filling my eyes and sobs coming from my lips, I take one step at a time remembering He loves Brooke more than I do and He does have the best plan for her, even if it's not what I would have chosen.
I remind myself He is my shield, His arms strengthen me, His right hand sustains me and this is what He wants us to go through right now.
Love to you all
Brooke is now in Queens Hospital. She was admitted on Wednesday, May 18th. Our cardiologist at Pali Momi asked us to take her to see Dr. Fiack, a pulmonologist here at Queens. Here we were just getting used to Pali Momi and all the new and wonderful physicians there and now we're in a new hospital getting used to all the rules, times, staff and logistics. I've been telling everyone Queens should give out portable GPS' to everyone to find their way around this hospital. It's like a huge maze. The staff is wonderful though. They can tell when we look like we're lost and are ready to help. They tell us they even still get lost.
So we settled in to Queens (the 6th hospital on Oahu we've become familiar with on our journey with Brooke). Tests were getting done; one doctor after another, respiratory techs, etc. all coming and going from her room. Busy, busy, busy and then saturday morning at 8:30 everything changed. For some unknown reason she had a seizure, heart stopped, etc.
If you've ever watched the Discovery Health Channel and seen what happens when someone's heart stops, it's all really like that. I was asked if I wanted to leave the room but I wanted to stay and pray. I can honestly say it made me wonder if we do too much. There were moments I wanted to scream "STOP"- "ENOUGH" but my lips were moving "have mercy, thy will be done". It was brutal, it was rough. Is this Your perfect plan Lord?
After the ventilator was put in, Brooke was thrust into her new reality. It's not pleasant. There are new words in our vocabulary, ventilatory, tracheotomy, CO2, MRI, blood gases - the list goes on
We are now 5 days into God's plan. As Psalm 18 reverberates through my mind "As for God His Way is Perfect" I must admit I do ask, "how much more?" This is very painful to watch, it is extremely painful to discuss what may or may not happen. You feel helpless, you cry and just when you think you have no more tears, more tears come. And you look around and you see life goes on - graduations and weddings happening, meetings, parties, summer school and summer vacations and I wonder - what will 2011 be like for us.
And altho meaning well, someone will say "it's a new path for you" - well guess what I don't like it and I wouldn't choose it!!
So I leave you with this ..... "As for God His way is perfect" and I've come to this conclusion about this scripture. His perfect way means to persevere, taking one step at a time holding on to His hand. His way is perfect means, when it comes crushing down around me and my heart is breaking, I keep my eyes on Him. His way is perfect means I fill myself up with His Word and His promises. And although I thought I would never say this, I find it hard to concentrate on His Word these days, but I know I must read it, hold it and look at it.
With tears filling my eyes and sobs coming from my lips, I take one step at a time remembering He loves Brooke more than I do and He does have the best plan for her, even if it's not what I would have chosen.
I remind myself He is my shield, His arms strengthen me, His right hand sustains me and this is what He wants us to go through right now.
Love to you all
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Grateful for the little things
Some times we can get so caught up in life. We hurry here, scurry there, fret over our children, bug our husbands, lament if we miss out on something, freak when we put on some pounds; and we are forever looking for that "great" deal. Do you ever think on all the things we should be so grateful about? Go ahead sit down and make a list.
Since our devastating diagnosis about Brooke's heart and lungs, I have begun to make a list about things I wouldn't necessarily be grateful for. Take a look...
I am grateful for baby monitors. My youngest is 23 and to tell you the truth I've never owned a baby monitor. But since Brooke can't yell very loud or get out of bed by herself any more, having a baby monitor brings me peace of mind. This little gadget enables me to be able to hear her every move. It enables me to hear her laughter when she's watching something funny on television, or be able to respond in a flash if she needs help. It also enables me to hear some thing I never thought I'd be grateful for...SNORING!!!
Yes, I'm grateful for snoring. I never thought I'd say this! In fact just a few weeks ago, I would "gently", did I say gently?, nudge my husband and ask him to turn over ! And then try forever to get back to sleep. Never did I think I'd say I'm grateful for snoring - but God showed me just how special snoring is. When I hear Brooke snoring I know she is still alive and here with me on earth. She is still mine for this "snoring" moment. Yes, yes, yes, I love snoring!!
I am grateful for Hagen Daz Vanilla Swiss Almond and Rum Raisin ice cream. No, I'm not grateful for the calories but I am grateful for the comfort I get from this delicious tasting treat. I never thought it would, but it actually brings a smile to my face. A little spoonful here , a little spoonful there and I can feel my body relaxing, enjoying the moment. I'm grateful for the fleeting comfort it brings me.
I am grateful for dirty laundry. Now you're thinking "she's lost it" but no I truly love doing laundry these days. If you've heard me say this before, bear with me. Laundry is a mindless task. I don't have to think too hard to do it; and there's a beginning and an end. I love taking the clothes from the dryer and one by one folding them on my large counter. I smooth out all the wrinkles - perhaps subconciously trying to smooth out all the bumps we are going through right now. And then I fold each item. I take Brooke's clothes and fold them ever so carefully which gives me time to think back on all the memories we've made together. I am grateful for laundry time.
Those are just a few of the silly things I am grateful about. Then there's the "eternally grateful" ones.
My eternally grateful ones are those who are praying for us, to Kathy and Susan who stayed with Brooke on thursday so I could go to my last Bible Study Fellowship Class, there's Leslie who gave up going to church on sunday to sit with Brooke so Tex and I could worship together, there's Sue who got me to get out and walk with her, there's Susie and Diane who each made us a meal, there's my sister who comes when a call is made, the Simpson's who brought baby Joshua for Brooke to hold, Jan who sat and chatted with Brooke, Dr. Dave who patiently answers our questions.....my list goes on and on. Those who cry with us. I am eternally grateful for my husband who steps up and helps whenever he is needed.
My Pastor who preaches the Word and of course my Lord and Savior who brings all those grateful things and people into our lives just when we need them.
Update on Brooke. She went to bed on Friday evening at 9:00 p.m. and didn't fully awake until 5:00 p.m. on saturday! Was I in a panic? Yes - I sat in her room for quite a while wondering what was going on, praying and crying. Watching her breathing, touching her and hoping this would quickly pass. She stayed up from 5:00 till 8:00 and then back to sleep again. Couldn't get her awake enough to go to church with us. Got her out of bed at noon and she sat up until 2:00 then back to bed until 5:00 for dinner in bed. It is better today (Sunday) she is more awake but still retaining fluid and off and on running a low grade fever. Her pulmonologist wants us to take her to the Mayo Clinic for a consult before we proceed with putting a port in her for IV medicine which once put it would have to remain for the rest of her life. Hmmmm. Not sure when we can leave and if she will be able physically to make the trip. Will keep you all posted.
Right now I am grateful another day is passing by and I am looking upward to Christ for my strength.
Grateful....
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Though I Walk Through The Valley
How does one begin to tell your child that her life is going to change in a way that no parent wants to venture into. Our job is to protect our children. Yet you realize you are faced with a job you do not relish. We are faced with the job of telling our precious daughter Brooke that although she has lived 30 years with a painful, chronic, debilitating disease she now faces an even tougher enemy.
Though I walk through this valley, I must remember that when bringing the news to her it must be truthful. There will be tears, disbelief, confusion and many questions, ones I know I do not want to answer, we cannot deny her the truth. She deserves to know in part what lies ahead even though I do not quite know all that is ahead. She must prepare, do what she needs to do, say what she needs to say,partake of life to the fullest as this wretched diagnosis will allow her to. She must make the choice even though every fiber in me says protect her,shield her, guard her every moment. This is one time we must walk through that valley with her.
Brooke was just diagnosed with a severe case of pulmonary hypertension in both lungs. There is no cure. There is no medicine to take to improve it at this time. She must be on oxygen 24/7 to bring her relief and make her life bearable for a time. Only God knows any type of timetable, but the doctors, although extremely kind and considerate, know that the outcome does not look promising. They will assist in allowing her to live as comfortably as possible while they scour the globe looking for something promising. They will put in every effort to try to hold back the inevitable this unforgiving disease will bring.
There is no magic pill, no surgery to correct this except maybe a heart lung transplant, no exercise or diet that will take this disease away. And so now we will wait, we will watch, we will hope, we will sing, we will laugh, we will enjoy each and every moment.
It came as such a surprise. Those months and years of her complaining of her chest hurting and feeling heavy. It is here and it comes with a vengeance. As I watch her breathing so differently from just 7 days ago I am amazed at how quickly things have changed for her. She is home, on oxygen. We thought the wheelchair was cumbersome , now there will be an oxygen tank attached to it with tubing around her face to bring pure clean air.
We have told her this is severe, there is no cure. We have told her this will not stop us from helping her to enjoy life to the fullest. It will take more ingenuity, more strength, more stamina, more leaning on God for every minute of every day, more helping hands, but we will do it for her and with her.
I do not want to walk through this valley. I want to flee from it. As I write this, even the word "flee" does not express the mother urge in me that wants to whisk her away to that place of sugar and spice and all things nice. But it is not to be. So I will take her hand in mine,holding on to it tightly and step by step we will walk together through this valley.
Though we walk through the valley, we also remember the faithfulness of God. We do not understand all this but we do know who holds us in the palm of His hand. We do know where our hope comes from. We do know His mercies are new every morning. We are thankful we know HIM.
Though I walk through this valley, I must remember that when bringing the news to her it must be truthful. There will be tears, disbelief, confusion and many questions, ones I know I do not want to answer, we cannot deny her the truth. She deserves to know in part what lies ahead even though I do not quite know all that is ahead. She must prepare, do what she needs to do, say what she needs to say,partake of life to the fullest as this wretched diagnosis will allow her to. She must make the choice even though every fiber in me says protect her,shield her, guard her every moment. This is one time we must walk through that valley with her.
Brooke was just diagnosed with a severe case of pulmonary hypertension in both lungs. There is no cure. There is no medicine to take to improve it at this time. She must be on oxygen 24/7 to bring her relief and make her life bearable for a time. Only God knows any type of timetable, but the doctors, although extremely kind and considerate, know that the outcome does not look promising. They will assist in allowing her to live as comfortably as possible while they scour the globe looking for something promising. They will put in every effort to try to hold back the inevitable this unforgiving disease will bring.
There is no magic pill, no surgery to correct this except maybe a heart lung transplant, no exercise or diet that will take this disease away. And so now we will wait, we will watch, we will hope, we will sing, we will laugh, we will enjoy each and every moment.
It came as such a surprise. Those months and years of her complaining of her chest hurting and feeling heavy. It is here and it comes with a vengeance. As I watch her breathing so differently from just 7 days ago I am amazed at how quickly things have changed for her. She is home, on oxygen. We thought the wheelchair was cumbersome , now there will be an oxygen tank attached to it with tubing around her face to bring pure clean air.
We have told her this is severe, there is no cure. We have told her this will not stop us from helping her to enjoy life to the fullest. It will take more ingenuity, more strength, more stamina, more leaning on God for every minute of every day, more helping hands, but we will do it for her and with her.
I do not want to walk through this valley. I want to flee from it. As I write this, even the word "flee" does not express the mother urge in me that wants to whisk her away to that place of sugar and spice and all things nice. But it is not to be. So I will take her hand in mine,holding on to it tightly and step by step we will walk together through this valley.
Though we walk through the valley, we also remember the faithfulness of God. We do not understand all this but we do know who holds us in the palm of His hand. We do know where our hope comes from. We do know His mercies are new every morning. We are thankful we know HIM.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Yokes....
I wasn't planning on posting another blog but the Lord has other ideas. This morning is a beautiful day with blue skies, wispy white clouds and a light breeze; and as I was sitting with the Lord He spoke so clearly to me. He drew me to Isaiah 58 again! Verses 9-10..as many of us are fasting and praying this week for the upcoming Easter services the Lord impressed upon me from verse 9 "If you remove the yoke from your midst"....what are my yokes? Those things that keep me from a pure, true fellowship with God. Those yokes that hinder relationships, stop the fruitfulness in my life, restrict my ministries, allow confusion, discontent, mistrust, etc. It was a time of digging deep - breaking up the fallow ground - and desiring to become more intimate with the Lord. And as always, God was so faithful He began to show me those "yokes" in my life.
Then in verse 10 God showed me what should replace those yokes - serving others! He says "give yourself to the hungry, satisfy the desire of the afflicted". Ask yourself this question "Who has God put on my heart or in my life that is hungry (not just physically hungry) or afflicted?" How does God want me to help them? And here comes the best part....
Verse 10 says "then our lights will rise in the darkness and your gloom will become like midday". Those days of negative thoughts &, despondency will be dimmed and replaced with light from Him. "The Lord will continually guide us and satisfy our desire in scorched places. All those areas in our lives that are dead because of our unbelief, lack of faith, sin, etc those areas will be alive again because He will give us strength to go forth in those areas! And we will be like a watered garden - have you ever seen a garden that is so well maintained? It teems with fruit and flowers, it is beautiful and alive ...God is saying this is how our lives will be once we get rid of those "yokes"!
Wow, just writing all that made me excited again. Those yokes keep us from living that abundant life God has for us! Ask Him today "show me my yokes" and then get rid of them by repenting and leaving them at His feet! Let's live our lives as those "watered gardens and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail".....until next time!
Then in verse 10 God showed me what should replace those yokes - serving others! He says "give yourself to the hungry, satisfy the desire of the afflicted". Ask yourself this question "Who has God put on my heart or in my life that is hungry (not just physically hungry) or afflicted?" How does God want me to help them? And here comes the best part....
Verse 10 says "then our lights will rise in the darkness and your gloom will become like midday". Those days of negative thoughts &, despondency will be dimmed and replaced with light from Him. "The Lord will continually guide us and satisfy our desire in scorched places. All those areas in our lives that are dead because of our unbelief, lack of faith, sin, etc those areas will be alive again because He will give us strength to go forth in those areas! And we will be like a watered garden - have you ever seen a garden that is so well maintained? It teems with fruit and flowers, it is beautiful and alive ...God is saying this is how our lives will be once we get rid of those "yokes"!
Wow, just writing all that made me excited again. Those yokes keep us from living that abundant life God has for us! Ask Him today "show me my yokes" and then get rid of them by repenting and leaving them at His feet! Let's live our lives as those "watered gardens and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail".....until next time!
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Jesus Way
Many people think of Easter as colored eggs in baskets filled with chocolate candies all delivered by a big, white, fuzzy being called the Easter Bunny. But for christians, Easter is one of the most significant and meaningful days of the year. Our Lord & Savior laid down His life to atone for our sins so we could live with Him eternally in heaven. Jesus went through much suffering before that first Easter morning. Each step in His journey had meanings and messages for us. One gift to us are the first words Jesus spoke as He hung on that cross. Jesus said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". Forgive. After suffering physical pain, emotional hurt, ridicule, falsely accused, rejection, being belittled, abandonment, public humiliation, and treated so unfairly, Jesus asks that God the Father forgive them! In essence what He is showing us is that forgiving others, no matter what they have done to us, is essential. It is the christian way, or what I like to call the Jesus Way.
Forgiveness is not something we can do on our own. It takes holding firmly on to the hand of God, remembering His words on forgiveness and walking in obedience to what He is requiring of us.
I don't know about you but for me forgiving a non-believer isn't that difficult. I merely say to myself "of course they behave like that they don't know Jesus"; and then I proceed to pray for them with much passion. Feeling ever so pious, I pat myself on the back and say "That's the Jesus Way".
But how do I respond when it's another believer who has hurt me? How about when your husband, sibling or child hurts you? I'd like to think that I would instantly forgive them, seek reconciliation, pray blessings upon them and then never think of the incident again. That's the Jesus Way - He forgives me as soon as I repent, I then have complete fellowship with Him, He continues to bless me and He forgets my sins and never brings them up again. They are immediately forgotten, I have a clean slate.
Why do I find it harder to forgive another believer? David's words echo in my mind as I recall the last time I was in that situation. Psalm 55:12-14 "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, than I could bear it, nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend; we who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng". Even David had a hard time and yes I could grab on to David's words and dwell there for quite a while - in fact I have! But the One who suffered for me so I could live a life without fear, a life filled with hope and promises uttered "forgive them" as He hung on that cross. He forgives so I must forgive. Can I do anything less for Jesus?
It's not always an easy way but the Jesus Way is the best way.
Forgiveness is not something we can do on our own. It takes holding firmly on to the hand of God, remembering His words on forgiveness and walking in obedience to what He is requiring of us.
I don't know about you but for me forgiving a non-believer isn't that difficult. I merely say to myself "of course they behave like that they don't know Jesus"; and then I proceed to pray for them with much passion. Feeling ever so pious, I pat myself on the back and say "That's the Jesus Way".
But how do I respond when it's another believer who has hurt me? How about when your husband, sibling or child hurts you? I'd like to think that I would instantly forgive them, seek reconciliation, pray blessings upon them and then never think of the incident again. That's the Jesus Way - He forgives me as soon as I repent, I then have complete fellowship with Him, He continues to bless me and He forgets my sins and never brings them up again. They are immediately forgotten, I have a clean slate.
Why do I find it harder to forgive another believer? David's words echo in my mind as I recall the last time I was in that situation. Psalm 55:12-14 "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, than I could bear it, nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend; we who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng". Even David had a hard time and yes I could grab on to David's words and dwell there for quite a while - in fact I have! But the One who suffered for me so I could live a life without fear, a life filled with hope and promises uttered "forgive them" as He hung on that cross. He forgives so I must forgive. Can I do anything less for Jesus?
It's not always an easy way but the Jesus Way is the best way.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Delilah
Here it is a beautiful day with the skies a beautiful blue, white billowy clouds, warm sunshine and light tradewinds! Beauty all around me. Serenity too - it's quiet with only the breeze rustling through the trees.
Yet, my God has something to show me. I told myself when I started this blog that I would be transparent. I would share the good, the bad and the ugly about me. Ouch - am I ready for this? Well here goes....
"It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death" Judges 16:16. Ever heard of Delilah? No not the one in Tom Jones' song (am I dating myself) but the woman who was so instrumental in bringing ruin to Samson? This scripture is talking about that Delilah and her relationship with Samson.
I am a woman of many words. I love to talk - what woman doesn't! When the Lord showed me this scripture I felt He was speaking about me. I know you're saying "no way" - ha ha ha! But truthfully, sometimes I can talk, talk and talk to my husband about finishing our on-going, unfinished projects that I truly believe, after reading Judges 16, that "his soul is annoyed to death". UGH!
What possesses me to behave like this? Is it my desire to control every and all situations? Yes. Is it because I feel I know what's best for us, for him? Yes. Is it that I feel I am justified in "pressing him daily" because some projects have been in the works for years and years? Yes, yes, yes! Don't you feel I'm right? Do you feel my pain?
Well God says I am like Delilah - ewwwwwh! I don't want to have any characteristics like Delilah. I want to be remembered for being a woman after God's own heart! And so, after my time with the Lord, trying to justify my behavior, I finally got it. God gives me these desires, these characteristics - like loving to talk, loving to be in charge, loving to make sure everyone's life is the way I want it to be; but He also gives me the Holy Spirit to guide me in the way to use these strengths. When I go on my own fuel, then I sput, choke, rant and rave. When I go on the Holy Spirits fuel/power, then I can take these strengths along with the fruit of the spirit (joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control) and walk in faithfulness with God. Does that mean those projects will get done? When it's God's timing. Well it took God 25 years before He gave Abraham and Sarah their child, and it took 40 years according to God's timing to take the Israelites out of the desert, it took hundreds of years of captivity before they returned to Jerusalem - so I guess I don't have anything to complain about!!!
God's timing, God's way. Ever feel you're a Delilah? Are you trying to control your husband's life, or maybe you've given up on him and you're working on the kids? Let's run together from the Delilah in us! See ya!
Yet, my God has something to show me. I told myself when I started this blog that I would be transparent. I would share the good, the bad and the ugly about me. Ouch - am I ready for this? Well here goes....
"It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death" Judges 16:16. Ever heard of Delilah? No not the one in Tom Jones' song (am I dating myself) but the woman who was so instrumental in bringing ruin to Samson? This scripture is talking about that Delilah and her relationship with Samson.
I am a woman of many words. I love to talk - what woman doesn't! When the Lord showed me this scripture I felt He was speaking about me. I know you're saying "no way" - ha ha ha! But truthfully, sometimes I can talk, talk and talk to my husband about finishing our on-going, unfinished projects that I truly believe, after reading Judges 16, that "his soul is annoyed to death". UGH!
What possesses me to behave like this? Is it my desire to control every and all situations? Yes. Is it because I feel I know what's best for us, for him? Yes. Is it that I feel I am justified in "pressing him daily" because some projects have been in the works for years and years? Yes, yes, yes! Don't you feel I'm right? Do you feel my pain?
Well God says I am like Delilah - ewwwwwh! I don't want to have any characteristics like Delilah. I want to be remembered for being a woman after God's own heart! And so, after my time with the Lord, trying to justify my behavior, I finally got it. God gives me these desires, these characteristics - like loving to talk, loving to be in charge, loving to make sure everyone's life is the way I want it to be; but He also gives me the Holy Spirit to guide me in the way to use these strengths. When I go on my own fuel, then I sput, choke, rant and rave. When I go on the Holy Spirits fuel/power, then I can take these strengths along with the fruit of the spirit (joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control) and walk in faithfulness with God. Does that mean those projects will get done? When it's God's timing. Well it took God 25 years before He gave Abraham and Sarah their child, and it took 40 years according to God's timing to take the Israelites out of the desert, it took hundreds of years of captivity before they returned to Jerusalem - so I guess I don't have anything to complain about!!!
God's timing, God's way. Ever feel you're a Delilah? Are you trying to control your husband's life, or maybe you've given up on him and you're working on the kids? Let's run together from the Delilah in us! See ya!
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