For the last two weeks I have been battling with my ulcerative colitis. Not being able to get out of bed, even unable to concentrate when I read or write. My hands shake, every muscle in my body is weak. I wasn't able to make it to church this past week. Fortunately, I have a comfy bed, a room with a tv and a husband who doesn't mind picking up the slack with Brooke's care and now also has to care for me. Tex has pretty much given up his hopes and dreams to care for us. It was hard just getting out of bed. My doctor is trying one thing and then another, friends are offering this vitamin, this elixir, this and that. Most days I'd just get up to go to the bathroom then back to sleep. You know how we casually say, "oh if I could stay in bed all day, what a treat", well it's not a treat! I found myself falling deeper and deeper into this dark oppressive thought life. Fortunately God knew I would be going through this, so months before He began preparing me. He had me begin my devotional time each morning by first reading all of Psalm 139 and then Ephesians 6:10-18, putting on the armor! God knew I would need to be reminded that "He formed my inward parts", verse 13, and He can heal them. Ps. 139 says He knows all my thoughts, He sees me, He understands what I am going through, His thoughts of me are precious to me and there are so many thoughts He has of me that I can't even count them, verse 17. So as I lay in my room, away from everyone and my thoughts would take me down that dark hole, those verses in Ps. 139 would remind me and comfort me. He had prepared me for this time. He began reminding me in Eph 6 that I have to, every day, put on that full armor of God, even when I don't feel like it, even when I feel like succumbing to the dark thoughts. I must be ready to do battle.
I am also learning how isolated one can feel when you have an on-going illness. We are women who are always going & doing, striving & preparing, needing to feel connected, always needing to be a part of whatever is going on; and when we can't, we feel alone. We question where is everyone and we begin that walk down into that pit that says, no one cares. Our society and even our churches are great for the quick fix helps. We are there if you need a meal, help today, a visit now, but if you need monthly or weekly visits, or on-going help, well the interest tends to dissipate. We go back to our busy lives, we lose interest because we want to see quick results as well.
As I was pondering this thought of aloneness, I could hear my daughter in the next room, she too is chronically ill, always in her bed - alone. I could hear her singing a Christmas song - all alone her voice sang out and I heard God say "I know", no one else might know but "I know" "I see", "I hear".
As tears rolled down my cheeks I realized that's what I needed to be reminded of. That even while I may feel all alone, God is still with me.
But there's a lesson to be learned here for ALL of us. Don't forget those who are alone, can't get out, need extra help. Stop right now and ask God to put that person on your heart and then give God immediate obedience and do something for that person. Don't wait, don't hesitate, immediately be obedient. Include them in your life and you will reap the benefits.
I realized this is my daughters life day in day out for 37 years. In her room, alone. I have such admiration for her and a different perspective because God showed me He Knows. You know how the song "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" goes? You better watch out it reminds us Santa is
watching. Well we better watch out as God is watching. So let's start now, asking Him to show us how we can add love and joy to someones life
