Here it is, the end of 2012. Didn't it just seem like we stepped into 2012 and here we are getting ready to ring in 2013! When I was younger, I used to roll my eyes when someone would say time is going by so fast. But, now as I have more years behind me than in front of me, it truly does appear that time is racing by.
I close this year realizing that 2012 was a year of learning to trust God more and more. By learning I really mean God thrust me into situations where I needed to totally trust Him. Some of the situations He allowed in my life I willingly trusted Him. Other situations, fear encapsulated me, doubt rang through my mind and God had to push me and prod me into trusting Him. Those are the moments I felt Him thrusting me into trusting Him.
I will let you in on one of those moments. After my two heart attacks in January and February, this rang through my mind over and over again...."Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep". That was my nightly prayer before I would close my eyes each night. The fear of will I awake for another day on earth, or will I be taken to be with the Lord is ever on my mind. You know how we casually say "can't wait for the Lord to return, or I'm ready to go home to the Lord" and we chuckle, "I'm ready, I'm ready", but let me tell you, when you are face to face with the idea of stepping into eternity there is a reluctance. Not of seeing and being with God, but of leaving those you love behind. Let's all go together, that would be ideal, but that's not usually the case. So every night I was thrust into trusting that God knows best and that "If I should die before I wake", I trusted God would , "pray the Lord my soul to take".
Thrust into trusting and letting go of fear. Not easy for someone who loves to be in control but still learning that God is in control. So I end 2012 with this to all of you...the one constant we can trust fully and depend on 100% is God and God alone, no one else. Friends come and go, children grow up and leave home, BUT God will never leave you. Relationships disappoint you, BUT God will never disappoint you. Loneliness may creep in BUT God is always present in your life. No one to talk to? God is readily available 24/7 to listen. Confused by the media (what is the truth?), God's Word is the absolute truth and brings comfort. What will 2013 bring to all of us? I am praying we will devote more time to HIM!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Interruptions & Inconveniences
I haven't blogged in a while. I really didn't have anything significant to share. I mean I don't want to bore you with just trivial jibberish. My life is not all that interesting, but, when God shows or teaches me something, then I want to share.
I have been staying home a lot more since the two heart attacks. Something about those heart attacks have made me more "cautious". It's also made me more contemplative. I look at life so differently. I've noticed that the things I value or cherish are different. I want my time on earth to mean something. I don't want to just do life, I want to experience life. Sound corny? Like an ad for some life coach class? I know. But believe me, when you are closer to death than you ever thought, it is life changing.
So in my pondering moments; re-evaluating, God reminded me again of something He taught me years ago. I will share it with you as He said, "It is time".
One day several years ago, I was asked to share at a women's function our church was putting together. I had all these notes sprawled out over the dining room table. Various books were opened to the subject I was to speak on. I was working diligently putting this verse here, grabbing that portion from this book there. Erasing, crossing out, adding in. I was frustrated. Things were not gelling together as I had hoped. My husband comes into the room and asks me to go to lunch with him and Brooke. "Lunch? Are you crazy? I have to speak tomorrow and I don't have anything worthwhile to share!", I growl. Yes, I do growl occasionally. Then the phone rings - again! Another interruption, another inconvenience. This is it, I mumble to myself. It's one of those telemarketers - well I will give them an earful about inconveniencing me!
Before I say "hello", the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart..."There are no interruptions and no inconveniences, just divine appointments". What? Are you kidding? I say hello and the guy, I still remember his name till today, Jonathan, goes into his rehearsed course on getting their great credit card. I listen, all the while the Holy Spirit is reminding me..."no interruptions, no inconveniences". I so want to interrupt Jonathan and hang up but the Holy Spirit is now prompting me more and more. Jonathan ends his speech and I tell him I'm not interested BUT (and this is totally the Holy Spirit speaking) I then ask him if I could pray with him. Jonathan gets real quiet, and says ok. The prayer God gave me was one reminding Jonathan that God loved and cherished him. That he was created in the image of God and that God wanted him to know that there was an abundant life waiting for him. Then I prayed that Jonathan would find favor with all the people he spoke with that day and that he would be successful in his endeavors. I ended my prayer, in Jesus' name. Then there was silence......
I just kept quiet (which is hard for me!). Then Jonathan speaks through choked tears...he thanks me for the prayer. He says no one has ever prayed for him before. I hang up the phone. I have just had an experience with God. I am shaking and I begin to cry (as I type this recollection it still brings tears to my eyes). A simple prayer, over the phone with someone I did not know and will never see, gave a person hope.
I went back to my speech for the women's function and lo and behold it came together within a few minutes! A God moment. The words He wanted me to share for that day was all written down, ready to be shared, just like that! Isn't that so like God.
So what did I learn? There are no interruptions or inconveniences. In fact, you cannot find those two words in the Bible! Why? Because God ordains our every step, our every call, our every encounter. When we are obedient, we also get the blessing ! So I leave you with this, in this "caller ID" age, the next time the phone rings and you are "busy", remember, there are no interruptions or no inconveniences, this call was sent to you from God.
I love you all.....
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Silence Is Golden
Silence.....it is something I need. It is something I covet. The complete quietness where you only hear the wind rustling through the trees is necessary for me to feel rested and at peace. A quietness where you can read something once and absorb its meaning. A quietness that allows you to feel every breath you take and the constant rhythm of your beating heart.
Many times I sit in that sacred silence and enjoy reading Gods Word. My fingers touch a passage and it is in that silence, that stillness, that I feel His presence. His Holy Spirit speaks---brkbrkbrk--STOP---that's not the Holy Spirit! There is a break in my quiet. A loud, whirring noise. Brkbrkbrkbrk . I open my eyes and there it is less than 500 feet above me, a noisy, big helicopter speeding by. The faster it goes the noisier it becomes. I close my eyes as is passes by, wishing it away and trying to get that silence back. Even when it passes our home I can still hear it; not as loud, but the quietness I was enjoying is gone. I try to grasp for the silence and then the helicopter comes again. Going over us back to where it came from. Loud, obnoxious. In the span of an hour that helicopter, with something dangling from it, passes over me at least 4 times. Irritated I close Gods Word and my eyes. I just sit there. "Lord, I long to hear from You. I need to feel Your presence".
The noise returns. I press into His Word again, asking Him to speak to me. Can He hear me with all the noise? My concentration deepens, "focus, focus on The Word". "Call upon His name". I persevere, pressing on. It seems like forever. I feel as if I have used up all my energy, concentrating, focusing on Him. Then He speaks......
"You hear Me when you are comfortable; but it is when you are out of your
comfortableness that you truly see Me, that you truly need Me. Learn to hear
and see Me in all circumstances"
I have learned a valuable lesson.
God is omnipotent....all powerful
God is omniscience....all knowing and today I learn,
God is omnipresent...all around me, in the quiet and in the noise
In the chaos, in our pain, in our loneliness, in the pleasantness, in our illness, in the fear, in the poverty in the rich, in the uncertainty, in the love, in the____________(you fill in the blank). God is there. Look for Him, call out to Him.
Guess what ? The wind outside has picked up quite a bit and now a heavy shower as descended! The quietness has returned as the helicopter can't fly in this! Thank you, God!
Many times I sit in that sacred silence and enjoy reading Gods Word. My fingers touch a passage and it is in that silence, that stillness, that I feel His presence. His Holy Spirit speaks---brkbrkbrk--STOP---that's not the Holy Spirit! There is a break in my quiet. A loud, whirring noise. Brkbrkbrkbrk . I open my eyes and there it is less than 500 feet above me, a noisy, big helicopter speeding by. The faster it goes the noisier it becomes. I close my eyes as is passes by, wishing it away and trying to get that silence back. Even when it passes our home I can still hear it; not as loud, but the quietness I was enjoying is gone. I try to grasp for the silence and then the helicopter comes again. Going over us back to where it came from. Loud, obnoxious. In the span of an hour that helicopter, with something dangling from it, passes over me at least 4 times. Irritated I close Gods Word and my eyes. I just sit there. "Lord, I long to hear from You. I need to feel Your presence".
The noise returns. I press into His Word again, asking Him to speak to me. Can He hear me with all the noise? My concentration deepens, "focus, focus on The Word". "Call upon His name". I persevere, pressing on. It seems like forever. I feel as if I have used up all my energy, concentrating, focusing on Him. Then He speaks......
"You hear Me when you are comfortable; but it is when you are out of your
comfortableness that you truly see Me, that you truly need Me. Learn to hear
and see Me in all circumstances"
I have learned a valuable lesson.
God is omnipotent....all powerful
God is omniscience....all knowing and today I learn,
God is omnipresent...all around me, in the quiet and in the noise
In the chaos, in our pain, in our loneliness, in the pleasantness, in our illness, in the fear, in the poverty in the rich, in the uncertainty, in the love, in the____________(you fill in the blank). God is there. Look for Him, call out to Him.
Guess what ? The wind outside has picked up quite a bit and now a heavy shower as descended! The quietness has returned as the helicopter can't fly in this! Thank you, God!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Miracle
It is a little over one week since we left the Mayo Clinic. We are settling in to a new routine of sorts. I am still overwhelmed by all God has done. All of you reading this blog are part of the miracle God has done with Brooke.
Remember back in July 2011 when I wrote about the alarm going off on her tracheotomy machine? And how when we took off the oxygen hose attached to her trach that clear water came gushing out? That was the first miracle from the Lord. No one had ever seen anything like this happen - no nurse, no doctor, no respiratory technician. No one could explain to us what had happened. But we saw it - clear water. I called it the "living water", but the miracle of it all escaped me until this evening. That was God preparing us for this miracle.
On May 11, 2012 while sitting in the cardiologist office at the Mayo Clinic, we were given some wonderful news. All the tests they did showed that Brooke did not have any signs of severe pulmonary hypertension; the pressure levels in her lungs were normal (like you and me) and there was no sign of any leakage in her heart. Her heart looked good. She did not need any medicine nor a heart lung transplant. Please remember we were just told in Hawaii that she had all of the above and there was nothing more they could do for her - thus the trip to the Mayo Clinic. The doctors in Hawaii did not misdiagnose her. The tests they did do not lie. They are very competent doctors and we trust them. But we also know that what we were being told was "impossible". The doctors at the Mayo Clinic had all the reports and pictures, and film of all the angiograms. When I asked him what happened, he said "he didn't know". I asked had this happened before? He had never seen this before. We sat in silence - Tex & Brooke started crying, I was at a loss for words (funny huh? Me at a loss for words).
God heard our prayers. HE heard our cries and HE stepped in and healed her. There is no other explanation. Isn't it wonderful!? You all are a part of this healing because you have faithfully prayed for Brooke. God used all of us. HE allowed each of us to be a part of this present day miracle. HE doesn't want us to forget this, HE wants this to change our lives as we face other trials. HE wants us to tell the world that HE is to be glorified through this healing. It isn't about Brooke or us, it's about HIM.
I recall 30 years ago, kneeling in my bedroom at Sunset Beach and crying to God that He would heal Brooke. She was so ill , had just had open heart surgery and now was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I remember so vividly sobbing and asking Him to heal her and I remember how a peace flooded over me that to this day I cannot explain that feeling. I heard Him say He was going to take care of her. I also remember a little over 15 years ago Pastor Dan was visiting from India. He began praying over each person at a Bible Study we were attending. He touched Tex and said, "some day there will be a healing in your family". I share with you these two memorable moments because when I heard those words from the doctor that she no longer had severe pulmonary hypertension , God brought those two moments to my mind. HE was reminding me that HE was in control of all of this.
The timing was HIS not mine.
I can barely type this as my body begins to tremble when I recall God touched Brooke and HE has allowed all of us to see His power and feel His mercy.
Please remember to thank Him for being who He says He is. "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27
It is a little over one week since we left the Mayo Clinic. We are settling in to a new routine of sorts. I am still overwhelmed by all God has done. All of you reading this blog are part of the miracle God has done with Brooke.
Remember back in July 2011 when I wrote about the alarm going off on her tracheotomy machine? And how when we took off the oxygen hose attached to her trach that clear water came gushing out? That was the first miracle from the Lord. No one had ever seen anything like this happen - no nurse, no doctor, no respiratory technician. No one could explain to us what had happened. But we saw it - clear water. I called it the "living water", but the miracle of it all escaped me until this evening. That was God preparing us for this miracle.
On May 11, 2012 while sitting in the cardiologist office at the Mayo Clinic, we were given some wonderful news. All the tests they did showed that Brooke did not have any signs of severe pulmonary hypertension; the pressure levels in her lungs were normal (like you and me) and there was no sign of any leakage in her heart. Her heart looked good. She did not need any medicine nor a heart lung transplant. Please remember we were just told in Hawaii that she had all of the above and there was nothing more they could do for her - thus the trip to the Mayo Clinic. The doctors in Hawaii did not misdiagnose her. The tests they did do not lie. They are very competent doctors and we trust them. But we also know that what we were being told was "impossible". The doctors at the Mayo Clinic had all the reports and pictures, and film of all the angiograms. When I asked him what happened, he said "he didn't know". I asked had this happened before? He had never seen this before. We sat in silence - Tex & Brooke started crying, I was at a loss for words (funny huh? Me at a loss for words).
God heard our prayers. HE heard our cries and HE stepped in and healed her. There is no other explanation. Isn't it wonderful!? You all are a part of this healing because you have faithfully prayed for Brooke. God used all of us. HE allowed each of us to be a part of this present day miracle. HE doesn't want us to forget this, HE wants this to change our lives as we face other trials. HE wants us to tell the world that HE is to be glorified through this healing. It isn't about Brooke or us, it's about HIM.
I recall 30 years ago, kneeling in my bedroom at Sunset Beach and crying to God that He would heal Brooke. She was so ill , had just had open heart surgery and now was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I remember so vividly sobbing and asking Him to heal her and I remember how a peace flooded over me that to this day I cannot explain that feeling. I heard Him say He was going to take care of her. I also remember a little over 15 years ago Pastor Dan was visiting from India. He began praying over each person at a Bible Study we were attending. He touched Tex and said, "some day there will be a healing in your family". I share with you these two memorable moments because when I heard those words from the doctor that she no longer had severe pulmonary hypertension , God brought those two moments to my mind. HE was reminding me that HE was in control of all of this.
The timing was HIS not mine.
I can barely type this as my body begins to tremble when I recall God touched Brooke and HE has allowed all of us to see His power and feel His mercy.
Please remember to thank Him for being who He says He is. "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
The latest on our Journey
After seeing a cardiologist, pulmonologist, catherization doctors, and numerous X-rays, today we saw a physical medicine doctor. We also met a young girl from kaimuki, Kelly Nakamura, who is graduating from Mayo medical school this weekend and heading to John Hopkins medical center for her residency. THis afternoon we see a rheumatologist. The physical medicine doctor is ordering all kinds of tests and consults so we will be here another week. As much as we want to be home, we know we must make the most of our time here. So we are hunkering down for another week sharing the same room which makes for interesting conversation! We have been getting along being together 24/7 but this coming week will be the real test.
Sitting with the physical medicine doctor and hearing for the first time all the things she saw through the X-rays anD all her concerns about the stability in Brooke's neck was unsettling BUT we are trusting in our Lord for peace and direction. The is so much to share here but I will wait till we get back home to share in more depth.
We met David in the physical medicine department who is from Sudan and is one of the lost boys. We gave him a He>i sticker. Such a pleasant grateful young man. Would love to sit and talk with him more. Hope God affords us an opportunity.
So prayer requests would be - good news from all the therapists, doctors, etc. looking at Brooke over the next week.
Also, direction and clarity in all our decision making, Peace and harmony.
Love,
Sharon
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The Journey Continues & I Miss My Best Friend
Our first day at Mayo went really well. All appointments were on time,everyone was nice. It is unbelievable how organized they are with the amount of people they are seeing. The weather is very cool 50s and 60s with blue skies. The people who live here are soooo happy that the weather is beautiful. Of course Brooke and I are freezing. Wish I had my uggs. Tomorrow will be one more test and the consult with the doctor.
Now about my best friend. I miss him so much. I decided to leave behind my thick bible and go electronic - ugh! I have taken him everywhere. I have wonderful notes and dates. I can find scripture quickly. I miss him. I don't care what anyone says going electronically isn't the same. I feel disconnected. I gave my bible to my son Trey because told me so. Join me in praying that he will open it and see how many times his name is in it. I wonder what God will do with my precious bible?
Stay tuned for more of the journey.
Monday, May 7, 2012
The Journey
Today we are on a journey. We are taking Brooke to the Mayo Clinic to see if they have any treatments that will prolong her days with us and make them better. I will try to update on this blog site from my Ipad, but you know technology. When they sell you the stuff they say it can do all these wonderful things, then you're alone with the little critter and it doesn't do what they said it would!
Pray for us. It will take two plane rides and a 2 hour car ride to get to our destination. We are excited to see what God does as He's taking us on this journey. Join us through prayers, thoughts and hopefully through this posting.
love, sharon
Today we are on a journey. We are taking Brooke to the Mayo Clinic to see if they have any treatments that will prolong her days with us and make them better. I will try to update on this blog site from my Ipad, but you know technology. When they sell you the stuff they say it can do all these wonderful things, then you're alone with the little critter and it doesn't do what they said it would!
Pray for us. It will take two plane rides and a 2 hour car ride to get to our destination. We are excited to see what God does as He's taking us on this journey. Join us through prayers, thoughts and hopefully through this posting.
love, sharon
Friday, March 16, 2012
Boldness
Everyone has been asking when am I going to post another blog. Well I finally have something worth sharing.
On February 10th I went into the hospital once again to have ONE stent put in my heart. During the procedure the doctor noted that there were two other blockages that needed stents now. While he was putting in the last stent, some placque was dislodged and I suffered a heart attack. I am extremely grateful to the Lord that HE did not allow me to see, hear or feel any of this. Usually the medicine they give you for "twilight" sleep allows you to hear them talking to you. Any way they worked fast and pumped some type of medicine through my heart to get it going again. After the procedure the doctor shared all this with Tex. Tex said the hospital personnel in the procedure room including the doctor walked out of the room with "grave" looks on their face. They decided that I needed to be put in ICU that night and hopefully go home the next day if all went well.
A few days later while in the cardiologist office, my doctor related to me that they had NEVER had anyone have a heart attack during the procedure and recover 100% as well as I did. Again, I praise God for getting me through this. At first it didn't sink in to me. He was holding my hand while telling me what had happened to me. The night before I had been asking the Lord if there was anyone that I had been coming in contact with that needed to have me share the good news with them. So what do I blurt out to my doctor right after he tells me I survived another heart attack? "Do you go to church?" He said not, but kept holding my hand. I then say "no wonder God has me coming back to you". I then proceeded to tell him all Jesus had for him . That God holds him in the palm of his hand, that God has gifted him with much talent and that HE wants him to know it came from Him and that HE wants him to use his gifts for Him. God wants him to get to know him, that he loves him and that he was created in his image. That's all I shared. I didn't tell him the full gospel - this was all God wanted me to share. I was floored that God was using me and extremely nervous! My doctor thanked me for sharing and then left the room. Is that it God? My mind raced with all kinds of thoughts - what an idiot, I didn't ask him if he wanted to receive Christ, he must think I've lost my mind, what now?
A few days later I was sitting around - I do alot of that lately - asking God what is the trial for? How do you want me to use this? What can I learn? What do you want me to do with all this time I have right now to just stay home? What, what , what????? And as faithful as God always is, eventho I was asking why and what, He still spoke to me, a woman who needed a touch from her Savior. He took me to His Word. 2Corinthians 3 where Paul is speaking of how we are ministers of a New Covenant. That our confidence is knowing that Christ lives in us, we are not adequate to do what He calls us to do but we have this hope in Christ. Then, there in verse 12 was God speaking to me..."Therefore having such a HOPE, we use great boldness in our speech"..... that was God telling me how to use this trial. When He tells me to be bold - do it - you don't have to be eloquent - He will give me the words - I just need to have BOLDNESS!! Yikes!
Do you need to be bold for Christ? When He tells you to share His love with someone do you automatically respond....first time obedience? Or do you many times, like me, think "no way". When He tells you to stand for righteousness do you speak with boldness? I want to encourage all of you who read this, to remember that we have HOPE to go through trials, disappointments, rejections and life itself because Christ is our HOPE.
Today as I read 1Co.3:12 again I thought, Christ is asking me to be bold in my speech. After all He has done for me can I do anything less than boldness?
I love each and everyone of you!
On February 10th I went into the hospital once again to have ONE stent put in my heart. During the procedure the doctor noted that there were two other blockages that needed stents now. While he was putting in the last stent, some placque was dislodged and I suffered a heart attack. I am extremely grateful to the Lord that HE did not allow me to see, hear or feel any of this. Usually the medicine they give you for "twilight" sleep allows you to hear them talking to you. Any way they worked fast and pumped some type of medicine through my heart to get it going again. After the procedure the doctor shared all this with Tex. Tex said the hospital personnel in the procedure room including the doctor walked out of the room with "grave" looks on their face. They decided that I needed to be put in ICU that night and hopefully go home the next day if all went well.
A few days later while in the cardiologist office, my doctor related to me that they had NEVER had anyone have a heart attack during the procedure and recover 100% as well as I did. Again, I praise God for getting me through this. At first it didn't sink in to me. He was holding my hand while telling me what had happened to me. The night before I had been asking the Lord if there was anyone that I had been coming in contact with that needed to have me share the good news with them. So what do I blurt out to my doctor right after he tells me I survived another heart attack? "Do you go to church?" He said not, but kept holding my hand. I then say "no wonder God has me coming back to you". I then proceeded to tell him all Jesus had for him . That God holds him in the palm of his hand, that God has gifted him with much talent and that HE wants him to know it came from Him and that HE wants him to use his gifts for Him. God wants him to get to know him, that he loves him and that he was created in his image. That's all I shared. I didn't tell him the full gospel - this was all God wanted me to share. I was floored that God was using me and extremely nervous! My doctor thanked me for sharing and then left the room. Is that it God? My mind raced with all kinds of thoughts - what an idiot, I didn't ask him if he wanted to receive Christ, he must think I've lost my mind, what now?
A few days later I was sitting around - I do alot of that lately - asking God what is the trial for? How do you want me to use this? What can I learn? What do you want me to do with all this time I have right now to just stay home? What, what , what????? And as faithful as God always is, eventho I was asking why and what, He still spoke to me, a woman who needed a touch from her Savior. He took me to His Word. 2Corinthians 3 where Paul is speaking of how we are ministers of a New Covenant. That our confidence is knowing that Christ lives in us, we are not adequate to do what He calls us to do but we have this hope in Christ. Then, there in verse 12 was God speaking to me..."Therefore having such a HOPE, we use great boldness in our speech"..... that was God telling me how to use this trial. When He tells me to be bold - do it - you don't have to be eloquent - He will give me the words - I just need to have BOLDNESS!! Yikes!
Do you need to be bold for Christ? When He tells you to share His love with someone do you automatically respond....first time obedience? Or do you many times, like me, think "no way". When He tells you to stand for righteousness do you speak with boldness? I want to encourage all of you who read this, to remember that we have HOPE to go through trials, disappointments, rejections and life itself because Christ is our HOPE.
Today as I read 1Co.3:12 again I thought, Christ is asking me to be bold in my speech. After all He has done for me can I do anything less than boldness?
I love each and everyone of you!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Lemonade????
Just when we were cruising along in life, adjusting to the changes with Brooke a bombshell hit. On wednesday, 1/11, I went to the ER and found out, that I had three substantial blockages in my heart! Never, never, never did I suspect my heart was the problem. My cholesterol was in normal ranges but something caused these blockages. One blockage was 100% which was in the main artery - one of the worst scenarios. Other two blockages were 60 & 70 %.
As I lay in that hospital weighing options, the only thing I could think of was all the things we have put off doing together. Nothing else came to mind. I just thought my husband and I were waiting to do this or that, take care of this or that, enjoy our time together - no one else mattered. Yes, my children came to mind and I thought of how empty their lives would be without me but mainly it was my soul-mate.
After two nights at Pali Momi Hospital they sent me via ambulance to Straub to have Open ByPass surgery. Wow, did that scare me. I don't care how good a doctor is, what the success rate is, how you will be completely out, other peoples success stories are told you; you still fear the unknown for you.
The surgeon talked about putting a stent in my heart to open the arteries. It may work , it may not. But the procedure is less invasive, recovery time is quicker and if need be-they can still do the open heart surgery. We opted for the stent procedure. So at around 8:30 p.m. on friday the 13th, I went into the surgery room and what I thought was moments later, awoke in my hospital room. There wasn't much pain except for the crink in my neck from sleeping so soundly. Tex was asleep by my side.
There is much medicine to take now - all those pills you hear about on tv, pavlix, lipotor, etc blood clot prevention medicine, etc. I feel like a walking pharmacy. And, there is that dark cloud always looming around me "will this work or not". It is fear, and as much as I try to put it behind me, no one can possibly expect me not to have some.
As I write this, Tex is laying next to me watching football. It is a pleasant time, I would hate to leave him on this earth, I would hate to leave Brooke and Trey, but it is out of my hands. I can hear a little voice saying "when given lemons, make lemonade" - wish it were that simple.
Bear with me during this trial...I know God is faithful, He holds me in the palm of His hand, He is in charge BUT I am a real flesh and blood woman and it will take me a while to make "lemonade" out of all this.
Right now, I'm home, in my own bed, being able to take as many showers as I like, looking over Waimea Valley and enjoying the beautiful view and most importantly I have my children and my husband right here.
As I lay in that hospital weighing options, the only thing I could think of was all the things we have put off doing together. Nothing else came to mind. I just thought my husband and I were waiting to do this or that, take care of this or that, enjoy our time together - no one else mattered. Yes, my children came to mind and I thought of how empty their lives would be without me but mainly it was my soul-mate.
After two nights at Pali Momi Hospital they sent me via ambulance to Straub to have Open ByPass surgery. Wow, did that scare me. I don't care how good a doctor is, what the success rate is, how you will be completely out, other peoples success stories are told you; you still fear the unknown for you.
The surgeon talked about putting a stent in my heart to open the arteries. It may work , it may not. But the procedure is less invasive, recovery time is quicker and if need be-they can still do the open heart surgery. We opted for the stent procedure. So at around 8:30 p.m. on friday the 13th, I went into the surgery room and what I thought was moments later, awoke in my hospital room. There wasn't much pain except for the crink in my neck from sleeping so soundly. Tex was asleep by my side.
There is much medicine to take now - all those pills you hear about on tv, pavlix, lipotor, etc blood clot prevention medicine, etc. I feel like a walking pharmacy. And, there is that dark cloud always looming around me "will this work or not". It is fear, and as much as I try to put it behind me, no one can possibly expect me not to have some.
As I write this, Tex is laying next to me watching football. It is a pleasant time, I would hate to leave him on this earth, I would hate to leave Brooke and Trey, but it is out of my hands. I can hear a little voice saying "when given lemons, make lemonade" - wish it were that simple.
Bear with me during this trial...I know God is faithful, He holds me in the palm of His hand, He is in charge BUT I am a real flesh and blood woman and it will take me a while to make "lemonade" out of all this.
Right now, I'm home, in my own bed, being able to take as many showers as I like, looking over Waimea Valley and enjoying the beautiful view and most importantly I have my children and my husband right here.
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