Since our devastating diagnosis about Brooke's heart and lungs, I have begun to make a list about things I wouldn't necessarily be grateful for. Take a look...
I am grateful for baby monitors. My youngest is 23 and to tell you the truth I've never owned a baby monitor. But since Brooke can't yell very loud or get out of bed by herself any more, having a baby monitor brings me peace of mind. This little gadget enables me to be able to hear her every move. It enables me to hear her laughter when she's watching something funny on television, or be able to respond in a flash if she needs help. It also enables me to hear some thing I never thought I'd be grateful for...SNORING!!!
Yes, I'm grateful for snoring. I never thought I'd say this! In fact just a few weeks ago, I would "gently", did I say gently?, nudge my husband and ask him to turn over ! And then try forever to get back to sleep. Never did I think I'd say I'm grateful for snoring - but God showed me just how special snoring is. When I hear Brooke snoring I know she is still alive and here with me on earth. She is still mine for this "snoring" moment. Yes, yes, yes, I love snoring!!
I am grateful for Hagen Daz Vanilla Swiss Almond and Rum Raisin ice cream. No, I'm not grateful for the calories but I am grateful for the comfort I get from this delicious tasting treat. I never thought it would, but it actually brings a smile to my face. A little spoonful here , a little spoonful there and I can feel my body relaxing, enjoying the moment. I'm grateful for the fleeting comfort it brings me.
I am grateful for dirty laundry. Now you're thinking "she's lost it" but no I truly love doing laundry these days. If you've heard me say this before, bear with me. Laundry is a mindless task. I don't have to think too hard to do it; and there's a beginning and an end. I love taking the clothes from the dryer and one by one folding them on my large counter. I smooth out all the wrinkles - perhaps subconciously trying to smooth out all the bumps we are going through right now. And then I fold each item. I take Brooke's clothes and fold them ever so carefully which gives me time to think back on all the memories we've made together. I am grateful for laundry time.
Those are just a few of the silly things I am grateful about. Then there's the "eternally grateful" ones.
My eternally grateful ones are those who are praying for us, to Kathy and Susan who stayed with Brooke on thursday so I could go to my last Bible Study Fellowship Class, there's Leslie who gave up going to church on sunday to sit with Brooke so Tex and I could worship together, there's Sue who got me to get out and walk with her, there's Susie and Diane who each made us a meal, there's my sister who comes when a call is made, the Simpson's who brought baby Joshua for Brooke to hold, Jan who sat and chatted with Brooke, Dr. Dave who patiently answers our questions.....my list goes on and on. Those who cry with us. I am eternally grateful for my husband who steps up and helps whenever he is needed.
My Pastor who preaches the Word and of course my Lord and Savior who brings all those grateful things and people into our lives just when we need them.
Update on Brooke. She went to bed on Friday evening at 9:00 p.m. and didn't fully awake until 5:00 p.m. on saturday! Was I in a panic? Yes - I sat in her room for quite a while wondering what was going on, praying and crying. Watching her breathing, touching her and hoping this would quickly pass. She stayed up from 5:00 till 8:00 and then back to sleep again. Couldn't get her awake enough to go to church with us. Got her out of bed at noon and she sat up until 2:00 then back to bed until 5:00 for dinner in bed. It is better today (Sunday) she is more awake but still retaining fluid and off and on running a low grade fever. Her pulmonologist wants us to take her to the Mayo Clinic for a consult before we proceed with putting a port in her for IV medicine which once put it would have to remain for the rest of her life. Hmmmm. Not sure when we can leave and if she will be able physically to make the trip. Will keep you all posted.
Right now I am grateful another day is passing by and I am looking upward to Christ for my strength.