Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Filled Arms

This morning I was reading the scriptures on Sarah.  Her wanting a child so desperately.  Wanting those arms to feel filled.  God in His infinite wisdom saw her, and heard her pleas; but He also made her wait for some time before He filled that need.

The waiting can be hard, painful and stressing.  Yet He says "in His timing".  I don't do well with waiting but I thought back to a time when God provided my arms with a filling I desperately needed.

It was October 1987 - tragedy struck our household.  My beautiful 16 year old son was killed on his way home from school by a negligent teen driver.  I am plunged into a despair that words in the english language cannot describe.  Tears, disbelief, fogginess, confusion, depthness of darkness are just a few of the feelings that coursed through me daily.  Some times hourly.  No one could understand.  Everyone wanted me to be like I was before his death, but that wasn't to be.  Not then, not so soon.

A month and a half before Jeremy's death, God blessed us with a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  Trey was a delight.  He nursed well - I had a terrible time nursing Brooke so I wasn't looking forward to nursing Trey but he took to me so well.  No problems.  He would nurse and look up at me, burp and sleep hours on end.  And then when Jeremy died I realized that Trey was my saving grace gift from God.  Had God not given Trey to me it would have been easy for me to stay in bed and not do anything or think of any one, but here was someone put in my arms for me to care for.

I remember rocking him, caressing him, stroking him as tears ran down my cheeks for Jeremy.  Not fully realizing how therapeutic this was for me.  Looking back I can see that now.  God's gracious timing, he filled a desperate need in me.  He knew what was going to happen and He provided Trey for my comfort.  My arms were filled, just like Sarah's.

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