Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Her Joy/My Pain

June 21,2017

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

We've all heard this children's rhyme and seen the picture of the Humpty Dumpty all full of cracks.
I envision my heart this way.  Broken pieces for the times when I've experienced hurts in my life.  Hurts that have injured my heart.  Then my King (God), unlike Humpty's king, comes along in His timing, and pieces back together my broken heart.  Sometimes it's a quick fix, other times it takes a while for the glue (His Word, His actions) to bring about healing.

The other day I added another crack to my heart.  I heard excitement in Brooke's voice as she related that she was receiving in the mail that day a new bracelet. We weren't at home and she said she was looking forward to seeing if it had arrived.  She mentioned she ordered the bracelet a few days prior through the internet.  She found the perfect Medic Alert bracelet, one that wouldn't tarnish and slip off her wrist.  Last year we ordered one through a jewelry store but it fell apart within the week.  The first bracelet cost us $130 but this one was only $60!

We had been advised in 2011 by the doctors at the Mayo Clinic that she should always wear a medic alert device that indicates "hard to intubate".  Alerting medical staff of the problems that they will enounter while providing medical care.  However, this time Brooke put something new on this bracelet-it read- DNR/CCO.  Do not resuscitate/comfort care only.  C-R-A-C-K - I could feel the crack in my heart occurring and the lump in my throat growing.  I didn't want her to see my tears.

Now I know and put my trust in God's Word that only He knows the number of our days, however, when your 36 year old daughter orders, on her own, this type of jewelry, it hits you like a ton of bricks.  Have you had any of your children do this?  I didn't think so.

My heart was experiencing a hurt. My immediate tendency was to cry out "why"; but because I have felt these cracks before, I quickly let go of that thought and picked up the glue that would begin to mend me. Thank goodness for the Bible app on my cell phone. The glue?  God's Word.  I poured over it, gleaning much.  One place gave me a jolt and brought me back to where I should be:  Habakkuk 3:17-19 "Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.  The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds feet, and makes we walk on my high places."

I am not any different from you.  I cry and wonder if these pains will eventually stop for Brooke.  But with all the sorrow there is also joy and hope.  I can look toward the future with a smile on my face.  I am not like Humpty Dumpty.  I have a King who says He makes me walk on high places without letting me fall.  I will continually hold on to His hand.

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