The Journey Continues

Jully 2019

I've had 4 chemotherapy treatments.  It's not fun.  Some of the side effects are frightening, causes
pain and discomfort.  Some stops me from doing the simplest of things and I must depend on my
husband for help.  Reading and writing is challenging - who would have thought my eyes would be
affected but they are, and my hands shake so writing is very challenging.

What am I learning.  I know and everyone reminds me that God is in control and he has a purpose but
when you are in the throes of it, when the pain and vomitting, shaking and discomfort set in, believe
me one asks God "why".  It's one of those admissions no believer wants to admit but believe me we
do.

So this journeyis teaching me, I am human, I have human feelings and doubts.  I want this over
quiickly. I want to get back to life three years ago!  But all these wants are not happening yet so I
must be content.  If you are reading this please pray that I would be content in whatever God has
in store for me.  I am glad I have hidden His Word in my heart so when my eyes are failing my mind
can recall His Word.

Well my eyes and hands are failing, so I must close for now.

Transparency

June 21, 2019

Social media could make it easy to be transparent, but usually we get the fluff or only parts that make
the world see what a "wonderful, fun-filled " life we're living.  Or on the other hand social media lets
us rant and rave about a cause.

Since my surgery and now my cancer treatments I am beginning to see how important being transparent/honest about what I am going through.  Most times when people say "how do you feel",
I come back with, do you want the generic version or the real me.  Naturally they say the "real" you, so I tell them what is exactly going on that day.  Some days it's good but some days  iits crappy.  Do
you need help?  Yes, I say but there are days I try to be so strong and try to do it on my own and ZAP,
God shows me I need others.

Others!  Involve others in your trials even if they are going through some tough times.  Reach out, they need to feel needed.  Share it shows you care.

Last sunday I was having conversation with a young mom and I could feel my body needed to get to my seat which was on the other side of the church.  I told her I had to go sit down.  She said, do you need help?  I blurted out no, I can make it.  Half way there my legs began to quiver, I grabbed the arm
of another young mom who I knew and I asked her to help me get to my husband a few feet away.  See how silly all this sounds.  If I would have asked that first dear women I would have been fine.  Pridefulness, a desire not to look sick (but I am), the desire I can do this on my own.  As a result the first women saw this transpiring, came up to me, and I confessed my silliness and pridefulness and out of this came two meals a week for the next few weeks to alleviate the stress in our lives.  See? letting others in and being transparent means they get to bless you and Jesus shows them how they are still significant in the body of Christ.

I am going through this chemo holding strongly on to the hands of God.  I know He is carrying me, blessing me, refining me but ALWAYS with me.  I realize I need others!

Let's be transparent.  That's the only way people will see the real Jesus

Ghosts & Goblins

May 22, 2019


Had my first chemo treatment yesterday.  I got all dressed up and had a positive attitude going into it.
Had my hair cut, mani/pedi, put on a beautiful hermes scarf someone gave me as a gift  I was all set.
Tex and I prayed before we stepped through those doors.  They said it would take a full four hours!
There was one glitch before we left - no one to care for Brooke.  Four hours in treatment means 6 hours gone from her.  A long time for her to be alone.  I cried out, fist clenched, to God - yes me I did
this- here's my transparency.  found someone to come at two.  That helped.  trying not to dwell on the
negative.

Walked into the treatment center, greeted by the friendly receptionist who even knew my name,  I am
feeling spunky.  Sent to my treatment bed.  What???? Here comes the ghosts and goblins, trying to rob me of all I came in with.  My treatment bed for 4 hours is a small, stiff recliner that barely fits me,
I can't push back into a reclining position on my own.  The nurse pushes really hard almost launching
me backwards out of the chair.  I ask why I can't have a bed.  They only have TWO in that whole
cancer treatment center.  Now if you are going to be hooked up to IVs for four hours you want comfort.  Something that has room for your bible, glasses,phone.  This chair had nothing like that.
I started to cry.  Felt no Hope,  the goblins of despair were entering in.  I asked to speak to someone who could change the situation.  That took over an hour and after speaking who I thought was a patient advocate I was sent to the Manager of the floor, Rochelle.  She loved my ideas but would see
if they could accommodate me today as soon as one became available.  Now remember Queens West the main hospital is only so few feet away.  They are not overfilled with patients.  Two beds.  You think we were asking for a whole fleet of them.  Goblins every where!  It is what it is I kept telling myself.  They are not treating me as they would their mother, wife or sister or child.  I am patient
#078423!!!

God is with me, I keep receiting this.  I am His Child, He created me.  Ghosts and goblins flee from me.  I place a red sticker heart on my IV bag and I tell the nurse there is a story behind it and if she
wants to hear it I will share.  She does!  God moment #1.  Then Tex and I tell her a little more of our lives.  She can't believe what she is hearing.  Before we leave, we share the gospel.  She is open, my HOPE returns.

Thursday I must return to this center.  I want to help make it a place of HOPE not just treatment of
drugs.  Pray we can make Hawaii like the Cancer Treatment of America, where they treat the whole
person.  After all we are trapped on an island.  We cannot just drive to another state to get opinions, treatment options, etc.  Pray God will open those doors to change.

Resurrection Day

April 21, 2019

Happy Easter!  I am so thankful I get to celebrate another Easter with my family and friends.

Tomorrow I start my chemo treatment.  I do feel some apprehension but I also know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that God loves me, He holds me in the palm of His hands, His promises are
all for me and that He has chosen this path for me.  But I am human and there are moments of
anxiety that creep into my mind.

My expectations can get the best of me.  You would think after all these years I would not put
that on me, but lo and behold I still do.  thats also when my attitude goes south and I begin to
nitpik on people that I love.  Tsk tsk.  

I had these plans for Easter and they went awry.  It didn't turn out the way I wanted but I am
reminding myself I am grateful I am here.

May God bless you all.

The Journey Has Begun

I haven't blogged in a while because I couldn't find how to do a new post.  Finally my hubby took my computer and began fiddling with it.  Aha, he got it to where I can do a new post.  Perhaps also, God wanted to build up things in my life to make it worthwhile to post.
Where do I begin?  2018 my health plummeted and I ended up in the hospital several times.  Doctors trying to fix what was wrong and always being cautious not to jump into some radical treatment.  Well on March 6, 2019 symptoms showed that I needed to have all of my large intestines (colon) removed.  If I hadn't had the surgery done at that time,  I would have died. I was so malnourished.  After removing the colon, I thought my problem was solved, and although I wasn't thrilled to live with an osteomy appliance for the rest of my life, I felt I could adapt.  God was allowing me to live and eat!

The pathology report said another thing.  Under the part of the colon that was so constrictive was
cancer, stage 3, even in my appendix.  We were not prepared for this.  Cancer had never even entered our minds.

Stunned, shocked are only two words that come to mind.  I cried out "But Lord, I just went through a radical surgery and now cancer?"  Its a whole new world.  My or I should say our, as Tex is with me every step of the way, world is hospitals, scans, insurance consults, classes, long car rides, tears, frustration, blood work, new procedures. etc.  Oncologist says 6 months of two type of chemo.  UGH

How will I make the best of this new journey which I know 100% the Lord is allowing? My foremost
thought is how will this bring glory to God?  What type of ministry does He require of me?  I want to be useful and I want others to know how real my God is.  Each decision I make must be bathed in prayer.  Each person I meet or is put in front of me is sent by my Lord for me to minister to or for me to learn from.

Please join me on this journey.  I covet your prayers and thoughts.  You are all precious to me.

A Parking Lot

May 3, 2018 will forever be etched in my mind.  It was the National Day of Prayer.
I remember getting up that morning asking God to make it a day of prayer for me.  Since I'm home-
bound for a while after just getting out of the hospital, I didn't think I would have much opportunities to pray with individuals, but still I could have a full day of prayer at home.

Around lunch time Tex took me for a ride.  He also had to make a stop at Foodland to pick up some groceries.  I sat in the car playing a game on my phone, then realized I could be praying for the people around me.   I began.  Then I heard the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  "Pray for the person who comes to the car next to you.  My window was down so I had great access.  Here comes this guy with an arm load of groceries, opens his door and I Freeze!!  I can't do this.  He gets in his car and drives away.   Ugh.  I feel so defeated but more so that I was disobedient.

Then another car drives in, this girl with long blonde hair gets out and I see Tex walking to the car so I know this is my last chance.  I tell her "today is National Day of Prayer, do you mind if I pray for
you?"  She says, Oh OK.  We join hands and I pray over her.  She thanks me and leaves.

My heart is racing - why?  shouldn't it be easy to obey God?

What did you do on May 3, 2018?